20 Jul, 2025 - Thousands of thoughts spinning in my head. Earphones in. - Just finished watching ZNMD for the millionth time — and like always, it hit differently. Maybe because today, I finally decided to write this.
I recently withdrew my US student visa. Yes — after 2 years of back-and-forth, planning, postponing, hoping, doubting — I chose to stay back.
For a long time, the idea of moving abroad felt like the next step — the only way to grow, to be seen, to be challenged but it also somewhere felt escape. A escape from self, work, responsibility, society and the realization that the version of american dream I was chasing might've been more illusion than opportunity — especially in a country where people like me were being told, loud and clear: leaving is the only way to make it.
There’s this line from Naval:
“If you can’t decide, the answer is no.”
It stuck with me. Because for a year, I couldn't decide & have been deferring. Every time I imagined packing up and heading to the U.S., a part of me pulled back — not from fear, but from an inner whisper that kept saying: "There’s something else you want to build first." - Build not as a product or company itself, but build self, habit, discipline & focus. I believe if you really want to learn & build something today, the world is open. AI is evolving fast, knowledge is abundant, people are accessible, and there are no real borders if you’re willing to show up and ship. So, why not invest this time creating, build something that matters, learn without expectations, grow & invest in skills. And above all:
Be so good they can't ignore you.
I believe it's possible today, I have been working with people overseas and one thing I can assure: they don’t care where you’re from, what degree you hold, or what hours you work — as long as you deliver quality. Most Nepali students would die to be in my position. I know that. This made the decision even harder. But what once felt like ambition had started to feel like escape and for sure I don't want to be one of the 98% who go abroad without clearity, without purpose - and this is common story where most end up living mediocre life.
I still remember my visa interview. No preparation. No excitement. Deep down, a quiet wish that it would get rejected so I wouldn’t have to choose. But fate had other plans: Visa Granted. and that made things even harder.
This wasn’t just about education or the U.S. — it was about a bigger question: What do I want my life to look like?
I want freedom. I want to build. I want to learn things deeply and apply them in real ways. I want to create systems, products, ideas — and maybe one day, a company.
And while the U.S. might be one path to that — for me, atleast right now, the better path is staying back, working honestly, focusing, and building with what I already have. I am not sure if it's the right descision yet - maybe there's no right/wrong but Do I feel peace? - Absolutely.
This blog isn’t advice. It’s not “anti-study-abroad.” It’s just my story. And maybe someone out there stuck in their own decision spiral might find a little clarity through mine.
Whatever you choose — just make sure you are the one choosing. Not the noise. Not the pressure. Just you.